another dream (!)

So, two dreams that I remember, two nights in a row.

I was talking about this dream with some of the folks on staff at church, and it seems like all of us are having (odd) dreams these days.

Anyways...

In this one I was at a bar.  I can't remember if I was there with friends or not.  But, apparently I had too much to drink.  Don't know why.  Again, not like me.  But this is how it was in my dream.

Apparently it was cold outside, too, because I had my navy peacoat on the back of my chair.  As I walked up to the bar to get another drink (which, of course I didn't need), a girl walked behind me and accidentally knocked over the chair with my coat on it.  I turned around to catch her eye, looked at her, and shouted a name at her that doesn't bear repeating in this post.

Again, not like me.  At all.

But that's not where the dream ended.  The woman scurried off, surprised and shocked at my inappropriately strong and derogatory comment to her.  I felt no repentance in my heart about it, and turned back towards the bar.  After receiving my drink, I made my way back to my table... only to be intercepted by a man who's face I didn't recognize.

Here's what he said:

"Listen... I know that you work at Prairie Lakes and that you've kinda been growing in influence there, but I just want you to know that was totally inappropriate, and that I'll never be coming back."

And that got through to me.

I remember feeling in that moment so ashamed, worried that I had been found out, disappointed in myself, and wondering if my ministry would ever recover from it.

I woke up that morning still lingering in those feelings.

It sounds cliche, but we really all are just one sin away from ruin.  Grace is stronger and bigger than sin, with no doubt... but oh, how much pain we can cause to the body of Christ if we allow it to rule in our lives even for a moment!  How much ground will the kingdom lose if those who advance it submit themselves to temptation!

Fear should not be the main motivator for growth and life with God.  But fear should motivate us to stay away from sin.  There is just way too much to lose, and so much that we could gain if we'd fight it well.

This isn't a call to draw within yourselves, or to hide your sin and think you can privately manage it.

Rather:

This is a call to be transparent, to confess your sin to one another, and to press into one another so that the kingdom does not suffer when one of us is found out to be a sinner and not a saint.  Too much is at stake otherwise.